This is kind of difficult, because i can never say that i've ever had a crush before. I've always admired people, like the way they dress, their style, personality, blahblah. but i've never gone to the extend of my heart palpating every time i see someone, or hyperventilate or whatever.

i guess its because i've always been surrounded by nerds, yes, my family is a bunch of geeky geeks. just in case you're wondering. even my extended family are a group of establishing scholars. and i've always been around people who place more importance on studies and acadamics and career more than anything else.

Partly also because living in a such a competitive asian country country, it always been acadamics of the most importance and our top priority. i've never thought that i wasn't normal or anything, i just think that i'm just a little slow on these kind of things, and i'm glad that i'm taking this issue as slowly as i want, at my own pace, letting me adapt to this continuosly changing world. But if i were to have a boy i really like, it's probably gonna be a secret one, just because things like crushes are things you keep inside, not out.

but heres the irony. you'l never know whether i have a crush, because they are secrets. deep dark secrets never to be told. Its kept deep in my heart, where it will stay forever. and i have trust issues. what makes you think i'll spill it all out on the net, where every single thought of mine would be available for everyone to see?

its all up to you, whether you choose to believe it or not.

Dear crush,

I really like you. I like the way your brown eyes fall upon mine,
i like the way you run your fingers through your hair when you're annoyed.
I love the way you walk, the way you strut your stuff, the way you act as if something has never happened but it actually did.

I cant descibe how much you mean to me, your every movement, every word you say, seems to be stuck in my mind, like a mark sconed onto someone, it'll never leave.
your stare never leaves me. I think about you in my wildest dreams.

in every situation, i'm reminded of you, how you look, and secretly, i realise, you're always in my heart. in everything i do, im thinking of you.

but i know i'll get over you soon. its all a matter of time.


Love,
Me.